so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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