I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
