You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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