She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
