i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
