Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
