So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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