Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
