Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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