He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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