Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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