You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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