Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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