So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
