Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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