So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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