the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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