Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
