Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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