she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My balls are so social today.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
