does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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