i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
