He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
