After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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