I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
