Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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