Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
