But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
