there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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