R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
