Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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