We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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