Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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