do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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