Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
