i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
