I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
