ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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