Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
