Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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