we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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