I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I understand Curling. That high.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My vagina is officially offended.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
