I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
