I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize