grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
