I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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