remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
