im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is the high leading the old right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
