I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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