Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
