Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
