I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
