haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
