I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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