He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
