remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
