Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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