May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
