So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
