Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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