When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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