its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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