omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
