So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
