Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
