Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
