please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
