I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
